Hey man sorry I got all grabby
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
