I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
