Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
