I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
