Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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