You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
