Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
