i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
they're like a gay fantastic four
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Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
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I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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