There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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