arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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