East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
