i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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