No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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