i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
