why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
