I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
