So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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