Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
