At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
