AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
