I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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