Where did you get a picture of my penis
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
