I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You're like the curious george of whores
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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