like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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