Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
