I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
