i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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