recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
