google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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