Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
