The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
