420 ftw
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
