roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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