Are we in a gay sports bar?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
