I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
