I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
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I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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