That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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