So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Randomize
