Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
accomplished twins. life is a go
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Thank you for not boning my boss.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
