I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
