me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
