For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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