How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
