I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
