it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
