I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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