Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
