Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
