I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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