Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
