HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
