I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
