hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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