Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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