Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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