Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
