the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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