Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
