I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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