So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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