I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
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I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
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Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
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