When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
