I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
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