Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
