NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
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i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
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so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
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